I Just Haven't Met You Yet
by rosemusic20
Summary: An alternate ending to A Symphony of Illumination, and the aftermath of it.
1. Chapter 1

_**I had mixed feelings about whether or not to write this.  
**_

Kids i sort of feel bad about it now but, well, when i found out i wasn't pregnant, i was really happy. "Sucks to be you braces!" I laughed, taking a sip of scotch. The girls on this tv show were so pathetic. I thought that maybe some time in the very very _very_ distant future, I might possibly have kids but not any time soon. I never imagined that... well i'll get to that part.  
And just as i was kicking my feet up, the phone rang.  
I was still laughing when i answered. "Hello!" It was the Doctors office. They asked if i could come back in. "Oh, um... Yeah sure, I can come in right now. Okay, thank you." I sat there frozen. I pushed the thought out of my mind. _Nope. Don't think that way._ I told myself. _It's not possible._  
Unlike my brain, the story on the TV continued. "Child, you are failing school. You can't have a baby!" Said a tall sassy woman, towering over her daughter. "But mommy." the little girl trembled, clutching the pregnancy test in her hand.  
I was determined to sit there for as long as humanly possible, when "Crap." My stomach jumped into my throat. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom.

I was sitting on that plastic, bed/chair thingy in the check up room, swinging my feet back and forth out of nervousness. I looked around the office, but i couldn't bear all of the graphic baby related charts and diagrams on the wall so i just shut my eyes.  
A nurse came in looking timid. She peered over the rim of her glasses at me. I felt so small. "Hello. . . Robin."  
"Hi." I swallowed and tried to smile. "You called to see me?"  
"Yes, well, actually, Dr. Sonya wanted to see you. But she is with another patient and she asked me to come and tell you. . ." At the sight of my defeated expression the nurse smiled anxiously. "I actually have good news for you."  
"Crap." My suspicions had just about been confirmed  
"What?"  
"Nothing."  
"Okay, anyway." The nurse continued. "After you left we reran your blood sample through the machine and, how do I say this..."  
"I am pregnant," I finished for her "Aren't I?"  
"Yes, you are." The nurse said. She smiled encouragingly. "I am sure that you are very happy about this news."  
"Nope." I said bluntly. "Can I go now?"  
"Well, yes I suppose but. . ." The nurse looked distraught.  
"I will schedule an appointment for next month." I cut her off. I was starting to feel horribly uncomfortable. It was bad enough when i knew i didn't belong in that doctors office, but when i realized i sort of did, I became ten times more anxious.  
"Actually, it is suggested that you come at least every two weeks in the beginning so that. . ."  
"Fine, I will call to schedule." I slid of the tall chair/bed onto the floor, grabbed my purse off of the counter and left without even saying goodbye.

I got into the hallway. This doctors office shared a building with a pediatrician so the door across the hall was decorated with rainbows and shooting stars and bubble letters reading "WELCOME". A little kid ran out of the door followed by a tired looking woman.  
"John wait!" The woman said. "Do you want a sticker?"  
The little boy ran back and nodded.  
His mother pulled a car sticker out of a plastic container hanging from the door and handed it to him.  
He grabbed it and dashed over down the hall to the elevator, his mom hastening behind him.  
As a newly founded, terrified, soon-to-be mother, this was in no way comforting.  
I walked slowly up to the door of the pediatrician. I peered into the box of stickers. It was full of barbie, my little pony, iron man, captain america, the hulk, thor and other child related stickers. I grabbed a handful and stuffed them in her pocket. I figured if i was going to be a mother, i might as well start acting like one. I walked slowly over to the elevator. The door had closed only seconds before, and i didn't feel like waiting, so I walked to the stairs on the other side of the hall.  
I walked down four flights of stairs and out the door. As soon as i got outside the harsh winds of reality pounded me in the face. I pulled out my phone, and stared at it. Who was I supposed to call. I scrolled down. _Barney_. My finger grazed over the send button. But i chickened out and quickly pressed the end button. I suddenly had another wave of sickness.  
After vomiting in the trashcan, gross right?, I started to walk down the street. I didn't even bother hailing a cab. I walked all the way home, and when i got home... I broke a lamp.  
I can see how you guys would be very offended by this part of the story but it gets better. I know based on the way i am telling this story so far i just seem pissed off but i promise, that's because i just haven't met you yet.  
But we'll get there.

**_It might be a little cool if you would maybe review a little. I will decide whether or not to ever "get there" based on the response._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_I am going to go through each actual episode of HIMYM as if Robin were pregnant. This one is still Symphony of Illumination._**

Alright, where was I? Okay, so after i broke a lamp i tried to go to sleep. But i felt pretty lousy and anxious so i didn't sleep very well and the next morning i was super groggy. I knew i had to tell someone. But i wasn't sure who to tell or how to tell them. I knew who the father was, but i couldn't bring myself to tell him. Things were just too complicated, or at least they were in my eyes. So, anyway, I woke up monday morning with a hideous case of morning sickness. I decided to take the day off from work, and sat in my pajamas for a few hours, before deciding it was time to start an actual day. But i still hadn't figured out who i needed to talk to yet. After standing in front of the mirror with my shirt up for about five minutes, trying to see if it was obvious (it wasn't), i changed into street clothes and left my apartment. I stood at the curb of and lifted up a hand to hail a cab. I pulled out my phone. _I can do this_, i thought, scrolling down to Barneys name again. But before i could press the send button my phone rang. Kevin was calling me.  
"Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!" I muttered. A cab pulled up but i quickly waved it away. I backed away from the street, and answered. "Hey Kevin." I opened my mouth and the words flew out a little too loudly and a little too quickly.  
Kevin, being the sweet guy he was, didn't even notice. "Hey sweetie! How are you?"  
"FINE." I responded with an overeager voice that didn't sound at all like myself.  
"Are you okay?" Kevin asked. He was so nice to me. Don't worry guys, i am not in love with him anymore. I mean, i never really was. He just happened to... anyway!  
"Oh i'm fine." I lied. "I just miss you, thats all."  
"Awe, i miss you too Robin. Why don't you come over to my house tonight? We can crack open a bottle of wine, and order some take out."  
"I can't think of anything i would like more." This was partially true. I couldn't imagine anything better than i giant glass of wine. And Kevin seemed like a nice person to have that glass of wine with. But i couldn't drink wine. So i added "But lets try to stay sober okay?"  
"Man, i was hoping to get you drunk." Kevin joked.  
"Too bad." I laughed. "See you tonight."  
"Love you. Bye." Kevin said before hanging up.  
Deciding not to call Barney, i put my phone back in my pocket and began walking down the street. I looked around. Even though it was only days after Thanksgiving, many houses were already decorated for Christmas. I walked by McLaren's. Glancing in the window, i enviously watched a group of young woman having an 11 o'clock cocktail. I kept walking. As i walked i started wondering where Ted was. I hadn't seen him last night or this morning. Or at least i didn't think i had. If he had been there when i broke his lamp that would have been awkward. I debated calling him but decided not to, as it would mean making contact with and possibly lying to another person i cared about. I tried not to think about the fact that i was pregnant, but it was really hard seeing as i didn't have anything else to think about.  
So, kids, i spent the day after i found out that i was pregnant wandering around New York City. It wasn't really wondering though. New York was my home and i knew it inside out. It was a good thing too, because i was too busy sorting out what was going on in my head to look where i was going. I will admit that i almost ran into a tree twice. But i just kept walking... and walking... and walking. And finally i stopped walking, at about 5 o' clock(yeah i know i can't believe i walked for that long either). I had made a decision. And i promise that at the time, it seemed like the best decision i could possibly make for myself and for my baby(which was you). And so i walked into the apartment complex and up the stairs and knocked on the door. And when the man opened the door i didn't wait for him to say "Hi" or "You're early", i just kissed him.  
I am going to stop there. The guy was Kevin. You know what, maybe i shouldn't be telling you this. It is sort of embarrassing and makes me look like a total idiot now that i think about it. I wouldn't even be telling you this story if Ted hadn't tried to give me parenting advice earlier today. I should stop listening to him...  
Too bad, i can't stop now. I need to get to the part where i come to my senses. But the thing is that, well, it took awhile for me to come to my senses. Okay, I am going to skip ahead like a week. In case you didn't get it, me and kevin, well... you know.  
I was going through a really tough time. I had basically broken my own heart a few weeks earlier by choosing Kevin over Barney.

Anyhow so a week later, I still hadn't told anyone. It wasn't that i didn't think i could tell them. I knew that they would be there for me. It was just, I knew exactly how they would react.  
Ted, who would pick up on my confusion and lack of direction, would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better. "You need comfort food!" He would cry, shoving a plate of fried chicken in front of me. "But no wine, or sushi." He would then start giving me a back massage. Now i love Ted but, seriously, he could not give a massage if his life depended on it. Then he would push a box in my face and say "Now open your present i will work on this tension in your shoulders."  
Lily would feel guilty and start sobbing. "And here i have been going on and on about pains and troubles of childbirth." She would say between tears. "I have been scaring you. I am such a bad friend!" And i would wind up comforting her. And just i put my arm around her, she would look me straight in the eye and say with determination "You have to punch me in the face." which is something i would never do.  
Marshall would bombard me with personal questions that i don't know the answer to. "Have you thought about abortion or adoption?" And as i opened my mouth to try to answer he would cut me off "Does extreme fertility run in your family?" And as i attempt to say something he would butt in again with "What was the brand and expiration date of the condemn you used the last time you had sex?"  
And your father, in an attempt to break the tension between us, would bend over backwards trying to make me laugh. "A rabi and a beaver walk into the bar. No wait, a _priest_ wearing a beaver _costume_. No, a _rabi_ wearing a _t-shirt_ with a beaver on it, went to a _church_ and _saw_ a priest." And if that didn't work, he would literally bend over backwards. He would throw his body over the nearest object shouting "Frat fall."  
And for that reason I didn't really want to tell them. So, on the day when i got an invite from Ted to meet all of them at McLaren's at 7, I got there 15 minutes early and ordered an iced tea on the rocks. I'll be honest... it was nasty. Never get iced tea at a bar. It won't be good. But i sucked it up and drank my iced tea while everyone else drank their real drinks.  
About a half hour into the night, Lily, who was picking up on my sour mood, said something. "Robin, are you okay? You seem a little out of it."  
So, being as i didn't want to tell them all yet, i said the first thing that came to my mind "Well, um, last week i found out that i... have a criminal record... in Canada... that makes it so i can't, um, ride a bike in the US." _What the hell?_I was really out of it. "Some sort of bicycle related felony i committed when i was drunk, while i lived there." Can i just reiterate how out of it i was.

Later that day, I went with Lily, Barney and Ted to We B Babies again.  
I was just standing there when Barney came up to me and said "Look, Robin, I don't want things to be weird between us."  
"Yeah, me neither." I agreed. It was true. Sure, he was the father of my baby, but i still didn't want things to be weird.  
"Let's go back to the way things were before all this happened." Barney smiled.  
"Friends." I nodded.  
"Friends with benefits." He added.  
"Nope, just friends. Thats how it has always been." I corrected him.  
"with benefits, we'll talk." I let it slide. When i didn't protest he looked at me for a second and then snapped back into smiley Barney mode. "Isn't it wierd how, now that we're not having one, babies are cute again."  
_Crap_ I thought. I decided to just go along with it. "Yeah, it is."  
"I mean, look at that one."  
"No thanks."  
"No, seriously look."  
So i looked. The baby was really cute. And i started to think, _hey maybe i can do this whole baby thing._ But then the baby spit up on the person who was carrying it, ruining the image of perfection.  
Barney left me there and started making his way around the rest of the store. I stood alone. Being in this store again started making everything seem so real. _I am going to have a baby_ I thought. Lily came over to me.  
"Robin, are you alright?"  
"Yeah, i'm okay, it's just. I think this criminal record thing is really getting to me." I lied.  
"Oh, i am sorry. But, Robin, everyone has had some sort of run in with the law. I mean, some of the stories that i could tell you-"  
I wasn't in the mood so i just cut her off. "It's weird, you know, not having a criminal record has always been the thing that sets me apart from other women my age. I never thought that this would happen to me."  
"Look, i understand that you're probably upset about the bicycle thing but it's too crowded to ride a bike in New York anyway so..." I knew Lily was trying to be supportive but it wasn't helping.  
And then to make things worse, Ted came up to me with this cute little maple leaf onesie. "Ocanadorable!" He beamed "Am i right?"  
I couldn't handle it. It was too hard to lie to them all. I cared too much about them. So i left, brushing past Barney, who was standing in the doorway, playing with the vaginal numbing spray.  
For the rest of the day, i tried to stay out of everyone's way as best as i could, But, that night, Ted cornered me in the kitchen with tickets to go to Cleveland with him.  
"Um, i wouldn't go to Cleveland if you offered me 2,500,000 dollars paid over 5 years." I laughed and started to leave.  
Ted put his hand on my shoulder "Robin. What's wrong?"  
"Nothing." I insisted. But i could tell that he wasn't buying it so i asked "Why do you want to know so bad?"  
"So that i can cheer you up."  
He was really getting on my nerves. "It isn't your job to cheer me up."  
"Yes it is."  
"No it's not."  
"Yes it is."  
"Well, you're fired." I asserted. I just couldn't tell him. I couldn't. "I am going to go for a walk."  
"Robin, you shouldn't be alone right now."  
"I'm going to Kevin's." I said quickly. I pushed him out of the way and left the apartment.

Once i got outside i pulled out my cellphone. I dialed Barney's number with out thinking and pressed the send button.  
"Hello." He answered.  
My voice disappeared.  
"Hello? Robin?" Barney said, louder this time.  
"Hi." I sounded like a frog. It was weird. _When Barney and I are hanging out in friend mode, i have no trouble coming up with things to say to him. But this is hard. What am i suppoed to say? _ I really was at a loss for words.  
"What's up?" Barney had no clue what was going through my head.  
"Um, i just wanted to tell you that... My criminal record got revoked!"  
"Awesome, we will have to go for a bike ride together some time."  
"Huh?"  
"You know, since the problem with your record was that it forbid you from riding a bike in the US."  
"Oh yeah." I had almost forgotten about the elaborate lie i had told earlier that day. I was back in friend mode. And the conversation became easy. I walked around for about an hour just talking to him.  
Then i ran into Kevin.  
"Um, I have to go Barney, bye!" I quickly hung up the phone. "Hey Kevin!" I said a bit too enthusiastically, flinging my arms around him.  
"Hey." Kevin gave me a quick kiss.  
"What are you doing on this side of town?" I asked him.  
"Well, actually i live in that apartment right over there." Apparently i had walked all the way to his street. "What about you?"  
I thought frantivcally for a second. "I came to see you. We need to talk."  
"Oh." Kevin looked dissapointed.  
"What?"  
"It's about the sex isn't it." Kevin said bluntly. "You have been acting funny since last week, and i mean, what other reason could you have for acting so weird."  
"No, Kevin. It's not the sex. The sex was fine." This wasn't a lie. But i won't go into details about that.  
"Then what is it Robin?" Kevin asked. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and i really wanted to tell him.  
"Kevin I have to tell you something." I swallowed hard. "I'm pregnant..." _Why is it so much easier for me to tell him than it is for me to tell anyone else?_  
Kevin looked up. I tried to gage what he was thinking but his expression was indecipherable. I thought he might have wanted to say something, but he didn't know the right words. For a moment he looked lost and i regretted making the decision to stay with him instead of your father. I mean, when i told Barney, he was like _that's awesome_ and now Kevin, the man i chose for stability, was a deer in head lights.  
So I swallowed again, even harder and said "Look, you seem like you need a second, I am just going to-"  
"Robin," Kevin took my hand. "I love you. And nothing could change that. I will be here for you every step of the way."  
And the fearful little girl in me, clung to those reassuring words like glue. My heart, which was beating at incredible speed, slowed down to it's normal rate. _He is here for me._ I thought. _With him, I won't be confused or lost or unsure. He would always be my rock._ And i loved Kevin for being my rock.  
Kids, you have to understand, your father and i weren't quite ready to be together at this point in our lives. You would think that getting pregnant with his baby would have made me realize that we needed to stop playing around and just be together, but it didn't. You would think our timing would have caught up right now but I hadn't. But that's okay, because when we finally did catch up, the long road we had taken to finally be together made the end result all the more worth it.

Like I said, I did eventually come to my sentences.  
Wow, this story is going to be longer than i thought. Bear with me kids I'm getting there.

**_So there you go._**

**_Feedback?_**


	3. Chapter 3

Alright moving on.  
So, i was doing a really good job not telling anyone else(besides Kevin) that i was pregnant. I made Kevin swear not to tell anyone and, well, back then i was quite the expert at keeping secrets. I was particularly nervous about Barney finding out because, i didn't know if he would put two and two together and figure out that i was lying to Kevin about who the father was. And things were still sort of off between us, so i didn't want to complicate it more. So, I took to wearing baggy shirts and carrying giant purses. It was working really well. To be honest, it still blows my mind how good i was at hiding my morning sickness from Ted. I knew that i couldn't keep it a secret forever but i wanted to postpone the confrontation as long as possible.  
Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, everything changed on New Years Eve.  
I was going to spend the night at my apartment with Kevin, since Ted and Barney were going "out on the town". Even though that basically meant they were going to McLaren's, it was assumable that they would be there at least until midnight.  
Anyway, so Kevin and i were just sitting on the couch. I really was happy that i wasn't working that night. It was sort of nice to have some down time. Still, i can't say that i was disappointed when i found out that could work backstage on a New Years Eve newscast. Even though it wasn't my preferred position, i was still very much a workaholic and would jump at any opportunity i was given.  
So, with Kevins encouragement and the other extra motive which was the sudden presence of Barney and Ted(something about owning a bar), i decided to go to work. That was, possibly, the biggest mistake i made during my pregnancy other than, well i'll get to that.  
Alright, so i get to work.  
"Hey Sandy." I say as i immediately start to fidget with the computer, trying to put the station on commercial.  
"Tina left me!" Sandy sulked at me. He was clearly totally hammered.  
"I'm sorry Sandy."  
"Ugh, why did she leave me Robin? We had such sex times! She was the lover of my life. And now that she is gone I'M FALLIN APART!" and then he started humming some song i didn't recognize, and that i am quite sure doesn't exist.  
"Well, you know what Sandy, sometimes the _love_ of your live isn't who you are meant to be with. Sometimes they make you dangerously vulnerable and it is the best thing for you to just let them go because that relationship just won't be good for anyone. And sometimes, we just have to stand up and carry on-"  
"CARRY ON CARRY ON LIKE NOTHING REALLY MATTERS!" Sandy sang loudly.  
I powered through "Sometimes we just need to pull ourselves together and hope that the next day or month or year we will meet a new love of our life. So, Sandy why don't you count us down into the next year with hopes of a new love of your life because i just can't do 2011 anymore! You with me?" He wasn't with me. I turned around, and he was gone. "Damn it." I called his cell phone. "Where the hell are you Sandy?"  
"I'm at Tina's! She heard me call her the love of my life on TV and she wants me back."  
So i went to get him, having my assistant play a montage of all the babies who were born that year. I'll skip forward about twenty minutes.  
"WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME?" Sandy whined as we pushed through the crowded street.  
"Well, it retrospect suggesting a threeway was a bad idea." Yes, I said it. Sandy Rivers once asked me to have a three way with his girlfriend and him. Actually, now that i think about it, they are not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore... they're married. Anywho! "Starting with out us was a worse idea." The things that i have seen in my life would surprise you. "Continuing as we walked out to the car was really what sealed the deal." I am shivering just thinking about it.  
I heard a loud sob behind me "DO you think she is cheating on me?" Sandy cried "Well two can play at that game." And then he grabbed me, whipping me around, pulling me close to him, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I quickly pushed him off "WOW Scherbatsky you've put on a little weight!" He chuckled "What are you pregnant?"  
I punched him, straight in the ba-... nana. STRAIGHT IN THE BANANA, if you catch my drift. I didn't punch him _that _hard. It wasn't as if he collapsed and almost went unconscious and some old lady shouted "domestic violence" at me or anything. But after i helped him up off the ground, he burst out laughing.  
"Oh my god!" He slurred his words, taking a swig of something in an unidentified bottle. "You _are_ pregnant."  
"Come on Sandy lets get you in front of the camera."  
"You're gonna have a baby!" He said, and his face fell. "I want a baby! I want Tina's baby! I gotta go find her." We were on the stage, and the camera was rolling again. Sandy ran up to the camera and stuck his face way too close shouting "I'm coming for you Tina. We can do the family thing! I want that! I want to marry you and have your babies!"  
I thought he couldn't be serious so i turned around and started playing a little message for the viewers 'feel free to switch to NBC'. "Let's get this over with Sandy. You ready?" He wasn't ready. He was gone again. And this time when i called him he didn't answer.  
I ended up calling Kevin. "Hey. This is gonna sound really weird but have you by any chance seen Sandy Rivers?"  
"No, I don't think so."  
"Damn it! I need him. There is like one minute until midnight" I was panicking "I mean what am i supposed to do, go on the air myself?"  
"Actually Robin... Wait yeah, do that."  
"Kevin I can't." But even as i said it there was hope bubbling inside me.  
"Yes you can, you are so talented and you work so hard. You deserve it."  
"But-"  
"Plus, you haven't got a choice. New York is a huge city. Sandy could be anywhere."  
I didn't say anything. My heart was pounding really hard.  
"And if you aren't doing it for yourself, do it for our baby."  
"Okay." I swallowed and hung up, shoving my phone in my pocket. I clutched the microphone tight in my hands and walked into the view of the camera. "Hello everyone, this is Robin Scherbatsky filling in for Sandy Rivers tonight because he is... well i don't know where he is." I laughed a little "You know, America, tonight i have been groped, stepped in puke, and until minutes ago i had no idea i would be going on air at all. But that is the magic of New Years. It doesn't matter how many mistakes you have made, when that clock strikes 12 we get a clean slate. And that moment will occur in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." And then it was 2012. I could feel a new year beginning. I was so happy. I could let go of my past and move on into my new life. And as i gave my assistant a quick peck on the lips as it is tradition to kiss someone at midnight on new years eve, i felt my slate become clean. Or at least that is what i thought.  
But when i got back to my apartment that night...  
"Hey guys- WOAH!" The room was a mess. There were hats all over the floor and Ted and Barney were sitting next to each other on the couch. "What happened here? Where did Kevin go?"  
They both looked over at me. I knew them both so well, i could tell exactly what they were thinking. And it was the same thing. They knew.  
"How did you find out?" I asked.  
And Ted told me. As it turns out:  
_Kevin, Ted and Barney had all been sitting alone together when i was on the air. "In 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"_  
_The three of them were cheering at the top of their lungs._  
_Kevin had been staring, mesmerized at the tv. "She is the perfect woman. I am so lucky. She is smart, beautiful, talented and she is going to be an amazing mother!"_  
_"Yeah!" Barney beamed "Wait what did you just say?"_  
_And suddenly there was silence._  
_Ted turned off the tv. "Robin is going to be a mom?" He asked, his mouth in a thin line._  
_Kevin nodded reluctantly._  
"And after that, Kevin realized that this was a conversation that was between you and us, your friends." Ted finished.  
"What made him think that?" I was irritated with this whole situation. I was particularly pissed at Kevin for telling them, and for leaving me alone with him. It wasn't because i didn't think i needed to have this conversation, it was because i didn't want to have this conversation. Plus, this was definitely not how i had planned for them to find out. Though, to be honest i didn't really have a plan for how they should find out.  
"Um, well, we asked him to go, Robin." Ted said.  
"WHAT?!" Now i was mad at Ted too. This was not working out well. I was now mentally throwing all of them into a fiery pit. "Where the hell did you get the idea that i didn't want Kevin around for this conversation?" I started to wonder _does he know that Kevin isn't the Dad? Did Barney tell him about what happened in November? _ My eyes flew over to Barney, who had been surprisingly quiet, or maybe i wasn't that surprised. He was staring at the floor, clearly completely drunk. And that was what scared me about it. Here i was, with two of my ex-boyfriends, both whom were drunk on News Years Eve and beer, one of whom i couldn't trust myself around.  
"It's not that we need to discus the fact that you're pregnant." Ted was clearly irritated too. "It's just that, Robin I am one of your best friends... Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because Ted, I am still sort of in denial." I cracked "You think i wanted this to happen? This isn't something i wanted to celebrate about with my friends Ted! I'm not happy about this."  
Sorry kids.  
"How long have you known?" Barney spoke for the first time, cutting me off.  
"Since Christmas." I lied effortlessly. But the look in his eyes burned right through me. And it wasn't his anger that scared me. It was the fact that i almost liked the penetrating sensation that i got from his glare.  
"Look, Robin." I had gotten to the point where i didn't care about Ted anymore, but i turned towards him anyway and listened. "I will be here for you no matter what. There is nothing you could do that would make me not forgive you. I am just hurt that you didn't think you could tell me. That's all." He looked at the floor, and i felt a rush of guilt.  
"Sorry Ted." I murmured.  
He shrugged and turned, walking into his bedroom and closing the door.  
At the time i thought that was the only reason he was upset. If i had only known that he was... well, we'll get there. For now let me get back to the story.  
So, the only two people left in the room were me and your father.  
We sort of just stared at each other. I could tell that he knew that he was the dad. I waited for him to speak first. If i had only spoken first then it would have saved both of us a year of emotional exhaustion. But then again, the way we finally ended up together was amazing, so i don't really regret anything.  
After staring at me for what seemed like an hour, with his hands in his pockets. He moved his head ever so slightly, almost as if to shake it in disappointment. My heart sped up as he walked over to me, his face so close to mine that if i had puckered our lips would have touched. He was breathing softly, but the heat in his breath gave me chills. "Congrats Scherbatsky." He said coldly. And without another word, without even saying goodbye, your father brushed past me and out the door.  
And kids, i didn't even cry.

**_I will be elaborating on why she didn't cry in the next chapter. I know that that was harsh, but it will eventually get more fluffy... probably._  
**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Sorry that it took me so long to post this. This story is a lot more anxty than i was planning for it to be. Hope you like it. This chapter was the end of Kevin, finally(no offence)**_

You probably think i am a heartless bitch, don't you? You are are probably thinking, how could i just let the man i was in love with walk out the door and not shed a single tear? When i think back on it, it is hard for me to remember why i acted so irrationally back then. I was hitting rock bottom, during a time that most women consider some of the best moments of their lives. I would include more anecdotes about ultrasounds or doctors appointments, but to be honest, i was so terrified the first time i saw that living thing floating inside of me on an ultra sound. Now that would all change when i met you later that year... Man i think we need to speed this story up and get to the fluffy part. But there are some things that i can't just skip over. Like, when i told Lily.  
I was visiting Marshall and Lily at their new house in the suburbs. I made sure to get to them before Barney or Ted could tell them the news. I literally left the apartment at like 5 the morning after New Years and rode a train into Rhode Island. Marshall wasn't around, something about a tailgate. I don't know. It was the perfect opportunity to tell Lily. Unfortunately, her dad was also there. But it was fine, because Lily and I went out to lunch at... _Chili's_... Can you believe that? It was gross. Anyway moving on.  
So Lily was going on and on about how she was so happy that her dad came and that her  
family was finally coming together. "And it is perfect timing with the baby and i am just having the best life in the world right now!" So maybe she didn't say the thing about having the best life in the world, but I felt completely smothered by her happiness so I just blurted out  
"I'm pregnant."  
That shut her up. Her eyes widened and her mouth parted slightly. She took in a few quick inhales of breath, in attempts to speak, but couldn't utter a word.  
So I said a few things more "I found out in the end of November. I would have told you but you seemed so busy and I didn't want to mess with your hormones. But the truth is that. . . you're my best friend I don't know why I didn't tell you sooner." I stopped and waited for her to say something.  
After a few seconds her face broke into a smile "Oh my gosh this is going to be so much fun!"  
I was shocked. I don't know why I was shocked. That was a typical Lily reaction. _ Now I know why I didn't tell her sooner. . ._ I thought.  
Lily started waving her arms frantically saying "We can share maternity clothes and I can lend you all of my books. Oh my god, we can take birthing classes together! EEEEEE!"  
I hate to say this but she was happier about my pregnancy than I was.  
"Wow, you seem excited." I said with a half hearted smile.  
Lily stopped squealing. "And you don't. Why aren't you excited?"  
I swallowed "Oh no I am." I insisted. "It's just. . ." _I am freaking out because the father of the baby hates me and did I mention that it isn't Kevin's and if I tell him then I will be all alone and I don't know how to raise a kid-_  
"Spill it Scherbatsky!"  
I looked at the ground. I had two choices. I could lie and say something like "This morning sickness is lasting longer than I thought it would." or "I have some really bad pregnancy brain." or I could tell the truth. I began weighing the two options in my mind. _On the one hand if I lie than Lily would probably be able to tell._ _On the other hand, I am a pretty good liar and if I tell her than I would have to talk about all the stuff that has been going on. _ "But on the other hand I really need to get this Barney thing off of my chest." And my voice broke the silent air between us as I unconsciously said exactly what I was trying to avoid talking about.  
"What Barney thing?" Lily eyed me.  
"Lily, there is no Barney thing." I lied, but my voice came out so weak and unconvincing that I knew she wouldn't buy it.  
"Don't lie to me." I was right about her not buying it.  
And so, kids, for the first time since I had found out that I was pregnant, I told the truth. I told the truth to my best friend, and I told the truth to myself. And when I was finished with the elaborate story of how I had slept with Barney, thought I was pregnant, thought I wasn't pregnant, learned I really was pregnant, slept with Kevin, claimed the baby was Kevin's, not told Barney that I was actually pregnant, totally blanked on how to fix things when he found out in the wrong way, and skipped town the next day to be away from it all, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulder. And Lily came over to me and gave me a hug that I knew I didn't deserve but needed none the less. And I finally cried for the first time in months.  
And kids that is how I went from being a empty, emotionally dry bitch, to a hormonal waterfall. After that, everything made me cry. It sucked.  
Now I want to move on to another important part of my story; Valentine's Day 2012. Now, you know that I don't have much of a soft spot for the commercially driven, completely phony holiday that is Valentine's Day. But in 2012 I was in a committed relationship with a man who appreciated the hell out of the pink hearts and the lovey dovey crap. It also happened that Lily and Marshall had a timeshare at this romantic Valentines day getaway sweet in the country and they were given a discount if they got another couple to go. So despite my dislike of Valentines Day, i agreed to spend some quality time with Kevin at the supposedly most romantic place in all of New York. I would argue that it is the roof of the WWN building. That is after all where, Nope _that_ happened later. I am not spoiling that for you guys. But what did happen on the WWN roof was amazing.  
Anyway, the beginning of the trip was actually kind of nice. We had this delicious meal that was 'made with love' according to the menu. It was this really good juicy steak. And it was almost amusing when Marshall and Lily, in an attempt to lecture us about how they have managed to make their relationship last so long, started arguing about who would be winning if the two of them were keeping score. I just glanced at Kevin, who gazed lovingly into my eyes and squeezed my hand.  
It was all going great until Kevin and I got up to our room.  
"Wow, you are so great." I gushed as we came in the door "You sat there listening to Marshall and Lily bicker all night and you didn't complain once."  
"I mean, i am a therapist so i do plan on charging them." Kevin laughed.  
"Well, thanks. And if we are keeping score, i owe you a weekend."  
"I was thinking a little longer than that."  
"What do you mean?"  
And as Kevin knelt down on one knee, my heart skipped a beat. I thought my eyes would bulge straight out of my head. My mind started racing, but my thoughts were so tangled that if i tried to recount them it would seem like jibberish.  
"Robin, will you marry me?"  
I became suddenly conscious of my mouth which had fallen open. _Close your mouth Robin, you are not a codfish, _I thought. I took a deep breath, but said nothing.  
"Look, I know this is fast. But we _are_ having a baby together and..."  
_Oh yeah. He thinks i am having his baby. Oh god this is so messed up. Damn it. Why am i such a mess?_  
"Take all the time you need."  
"Okay, thanks." I breathed. _He is the nicest guy ever. How can i lie to him?_  
He set the ring on the table and gave me a warm hug.  
As i cautiously wrapped my arms around him i could feel that diamond ring staring me down with it's crystally laser vision. So he put that bad boy away. But putting the ring away, didn't really change the fact that i was totally panicking. The next morning, i woke up really early to go find Lily. I knocked frantically on the door of her room.  
Clomping footsteps on the other side told me someone was coming. It was Marshall. He swung the door open, yawned, squinted at me through his drowsy eyes and said groggily "What is it Robin?"  
"I need to talk to Lily." I said quickly.  
"She's asleep." Marshall muttered dryly. "And i am not going to wake her up."  
You see kids, though your Aunt Lily didn't sleep in often, when she did... Waking her up could be a hazardous job.  
"Fine." I said reluctantly after weighing my options. "I need to talk to you about something related to the you-know-what..." I said glancing at my stomach "And don't pretend Lily didn't tell you, i have caught you staring at my belly several times this trip."  
Marshall, who was too tired to protest, followed me out the door and down the stairs to the empty dining hall.  
I scouted out the table in the darkest corner of the hall and pointed to it. "You go sit, and i will be there in a minute. I have to pee."  
I will spare you guys the details of my trip to the bathroom. It wasn't very eventful. When i got back, Marshall was sitting at the table, and had taken the company of two beers.  
I found it quite irritating at the time that he would drink that right in front of me, when he knew that i was in crisis. The truth was that he still didn't know that i was pregnant. I had incorrectly assumed that Lily would blab.  
I sat down across from Marshall. I didn't really know how to start this conversation. I was reluctant to start with something like 'Kevin proposed to me' because i knew that that would somehow lead to a discussion of feelings and i didn't really want that. _Or maybe that is what i want to talk about._ I thought _I mean i did knock on his door saying i needed to talk about the "you know what". Dear God, what was i thinking?_  
I was saved when Marshall spoke first. He nudged the beer towards me. "Here. A guy came over while you were in the bathroom and asked if we wanted anything. I didn't know what you wanted so i just got you a beer."  
I was kind of enjoying his nonchalance. He wasn't trying to pressure me anything. It was quite refreshing after the month i had been having. "Marshall, I'm pregnant. You of all people should know that i can't have-"  
"Say what now?" Marshalls mouth fell open, but his eyes continued to droop and the exhaustion was still in his voice. "You're pregnant?"  
"Yeah." I said as if it were obvious. Then recognizing the sincerity in his expression i added "Lily told you. Didn't she?"  
Marshall shook his head. "No..."  
The awkwardness of the situation skyrocketed with in seconds. The relaxed vibe i had been getting disintegrated and I froze up completely.  
"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" Marshall asked, cocking his head to one side. "How far along are you?"  
I looked at him. I felt guilt rush over me. "Four months." I winced, waiting for a Ted-like reaction.  
There wasn't one. "Wow." Marshall said thoughtfully, sipping his beer. "Does Kevin know?"  
I nodded. "That is actually why i came up to your room. I wanted to talk to Lily about Kevin."  
"What about Kevin?"  
I took a deep breath. "Kevin asked me to marry him."  
"Holy crap!" Marshall exclaimed with a sudden burst of energy, slamming his hand onto the table so hard that i jumped "That's huge!"  
"I know." I swallowed, looking away.  
"Wow..." he said again, scratching his chin in a very fatherly fashion that i couldn't help but find endearing. "So, what are your thoughts?"  
"I am thinking about saying yes." _But..._  
Marshall clapped his hands together.  
"But there is something you don't know. Can you keep a secret?"  
Marshall nodded quickly and leaned in.  
"The baby isn't Kevins."  
Marshall, being the great friend that he was stood up "Bring it in." He outstretched his enormous arms.  
Due to my newly found hormonal state, i was unable to fight back the tears that began gushing out of my eyes as i accepted Marshalls gigantic hug. It was like hugging a giant stuffed animal. I get all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it. "I thought you were going to call slut." I cried into his chest.  
"Robin," Marshall patted me on the back "I was just about to do that."  
I gave him my most pathetic look.  
"But then i felt bad and i decided not too." He hugged me a little tighter.  
"Thanks... I guess." I said, though i am quite sure he couldn't hear my muffled voice through my tears and his shirt. "You're a good friend." And i meant it.  
After a few more minutes of me pathetically crying and Marshall saying nothing he pushed me out of my cocoon and held me at arms length. "Listen Robin." I knew what he was going to say but i let him finish anyway. "I know that it is going to be hard but you need to tell Kevin."  
I wiped my eyes and nodded. "Thanks again Marshall." I sniffled. "Goodnight." I folded my arms over the giant t-shirt i was wearing and went back to my room.  
When i got there, Kevin was already up.  
"Morning early bird." Kevin said, pecking me on the cheek.  
"Good morning." I mumbled. _Alright come on you can do this._ "Kevin there is something i need to tell you."  
And so we sat down and i told him that he wasn't actually the father of the baby. I didn't tell him who the father was. And when i was done, he simply said "I knew."  
"You did?"  
"I mean it was only logical. The first time we had sex was in december and you were four months pregnant."  
"Kevin i did something horrible. Why aren't you angry?"  
"Because we all make mistakes." Kevin smiled at me "And you _chose _me. I felt honored to be the _chosen _father of your child."  
_Damn it why does he have to be so nice? _"Well, knowing what a horrible mistake i made, do you want to take your proposal back?"  
"Robin," Kevin took my hand and looked me straight in the eyes "Will you marry me?"  
And how was i supposed to say no? The guy was still in love with me after i cheated on him and lied to him. He seemed like a keeper. "Yes." I whispered, flinging my arms around him.  
He gave me a quick kiss before jumping up like a little puppy and grabbing the ring.  
And that was it. Or so i thought. But that wasn't how my life worked back then. It was bound to fall apart, just like everything else. Because everything had to fall apart to make room for the new, better stuff: like you guys.  
The next day, when we returned from the romantic Valentines day getaway, Kevin called his mom to tell her the news. When he hung up he almost looked sea sick.  
"What?"  
"My aunt is singing at our wedding... That's happening." But as he gazed into my eyes, his face broke into a smile "It doesn't matter, as long as i am dancing with you."  
"Listen, are you sure that you are okay with this." I glanced down at my stomach. I had to make sure. I knew there was no way that i could be in an unhealthy relationship and try to raise a baby at the same time.  
"Robin, I love you." _Yeah, but are you okay with this. _"And besides, we will have other children. Maybe the next time you have an unplanned pregnancy it will be because of me." He smiles and kisses my hand.  
_Crap._ "Kevin... I don't want any more kids." Sorry kids. "In fact I didn't even want this one." Sorry again. "I will never have another baby for the rest of my life." Wow, I am not making a good impression for myself am i? I sighed. Honesty felt good. "Knowing that, do you want to take back your proposal?"  
"Will you marry me?"  
"NO!" I said abruptly. "Kevin, I really want to say yes. But I have this feeling that you might wake up some day full of regret. Look, I love you but I need you to be sure." I took a deep breath "If we get married. You will spend the rest of your life raising another man's child and you will have no other children."  
That is the story of how Kevin and I broke up. This next part of the story I have never told everyone. After Kevin left, I went down to McLarren's.  
I trudged through the front door and over to the gangs regular booth. I slumped into the seat and, remembering that I couldn't get a drink, sat motionless staring at the wall. I put my head onto the table, and started to drift off.  
I awoke to the feeling of a tap on my shoulder. "Excuse me mam, but this booth is my property."  
I lifted my head. Though my vision was slightly blurred, I could make out your father, slumped and completely drunk.  
"Oh, Robin. Sorry."  
I gave him a weak smile. "It's fine." I said quietly.  
After a few seconds your father broke the silence "Look, I..." He trailed off. His eyes were almost crossed from the alcohol.  
I put my hand onto his. Kids to this day, i get tingly just thinking about touching your fathers hands. On that night, however, i sat there completely in denial of what my heart was clearly screaming in my face. "You okay?" I asked softly.  
"Of course i am okay!" Barney slurred his words. "I just spent a night on the best thing ever; THE DRUNK TRAIN. I took Thomas the Spank Engine straight to vagina ville!"  
Kids the drunk train was a train that left really late at night that your father was obsessed with for a short while. It was full of drunk trick who he often took advantage of and... You know what, if i keep talking about your fathers past conquests i might end up breaking something.  
Anyway...  
I knew he was bluffing. I gave him a sharp look.  
The smile melted from his face. "Okay, you've got me." He slid further into his chair. "I need advice." I waited for him to continue. "Alright so, i know this girl.. And and first, i thought that there might be something there, but then she made it very clear that nothing would happen between us, but i couldn't shake this feeling that she was sort of interested, so i waited, and then at the end of the night i nailed her."  
For a split second i had thought he was talking about me.  
"Her name was... Quinn. I mean, the sex was MIND-BLOWING and we had a legit connection" why am i telling you this? "And now i am all shaken by it. And Ted thinks i should go for it and i am starting to think he is right. Thanks Robin this really helped." He got up and raced out of the bar.  
I paid and left the bar.  
When i got up to my apartment the room was empty. THe whole dreariness of the day suddenly hit me harder than before. I was alone. Barney was pining after some other woman, and he seemed to really like her, Kevin had taken back his proposal. I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the lump under my shirt. I could feel hot tears streaming down my face and i couldn't fight it. There was nothing i could do to stop them. I silently cursed the emotional side of me that had suddenly felt the impulse to rear it's ugly head. I was broken. If you guys thought that i had hit rock bottom before, it was nothing compared to this.  
I went out onto the balcony, in the cold, without a coat; because i had to feel something other than heartache. It worked. As i stood on the deck staring over the balcony, the tears froze on my face, my fingers tingled, and i felt my nose turn red.  
I heard footsteps behind me. _Who could it be? Kevin? Barney?_ I turned. "Ted." I said, smiling.  
"Hey Robin." Ted smiled back. But an instant later he recognized the phoniness of my smile and frowned. "What's wrong?"  
And i told him the occurrences of the day. I sat down across from him at that metal coffee table that was about as cold a hunk of ice and we talked. And i didn't just tell him about what happened; i told him about how it felt. Ted took my cold hands into his and breathed his warm breath onto them until they stopped shaking.  
When i finally finished the story of my day, i stood up and walked back to the edge of the roof, and took a deep breath. "The thing is." I whispered just loud enough for Ted to hear. "I was finally ready for something serious." I swallowed. "And Kevin... He seemed like the guy to take that next step with." I stared at the sky, blinking in an attempt not to burst out crying again. "But even he couldn't look past this." I sniffled, and almost laughed a little. It was all so absurd. "I mean, who could?" I didn't really mean it as a question, but as a statement. And the air around me froze with the cold reality of my statement.  
Until a second later, it filled with fire, when Ted said "I could."  
I turned around. 'What did he just say?'  
"I love you Robin." That seems like a good place to stop. What? You want me to keep going? You are finding this story interesting after all? Okay, i'll keep going. Let me just go to the bathroom first.

**_So, i know that this is just how it happened in the show, but the good news is that next chapter will be from Robins point of view and therefor may be in (dare i say) Russia so that is exiting. YAY! Hope you like it; review_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Alright so, the following chapter is only half way done, the second half will be posted as chapter 6. I hope you liked it, i added some Barney and Robin stuff but it is mostly Ted and Robin, and then Robin and Patrice and some random Russians.**_

Okay, I'm back, now. Where was i? Oh yeah.  
So Ted was all like "I love you, Robin."  
I had no words; literally, there were no words in my vocabulary to express the feeling i was having in that moment; so i just kept my mouth shut.  
Ted was not shaken by my lack of response "Look, i know this seems like it is coming out of nowhere."  
I couldn't help but nod. This had come out of nowhere; and i was completely in shock.  
He continued "But, just hear me out." I decided to let him finish talking. "Five years ago, when you and i broke up, it was because when we asked each other where we wanted to be in five years, our answers were just too different. And now look at us; five years later, both single, standing on the roof where i kissed you for the first time, exactly where we left off. The only difference is that now you might be ready to take the next step that we never could before. Maybe, it's time we give each other another chance." He paused, and began waiting for a response.  
I took a breath in as if to say something, but let it out a second later. _What am i supposed to say?_  
"Hey, do you know what happened to the TV remote?" Ted cut blurted out. "I tried to find it yesterday and i couldn't."  
That i knew the answer to. I had accidently taken it into my bedroom thinking it was the phone. I opened my mouth but he cut me off.  
"Also i think we might be out of orange juice; if you could pick some up on your way home from work tomorrow, that would be great. I know there is a grocery store right near your house and i am still sort of working from home so..."  
_Okay._  
"I am getting of topic." Ted said, fidgeting with his shirt. "Okay, so, i love you. Thoughts?" I must have made a face of pure terror and confusion because Ted quickly averted his gaze to the ground. "You know what, it's late, you're tired, i am just going to go to bed, we can talk about this tomorrow."  
He left me there, and i was alone again; I stood there there staring at the empty chair that he had been sitting in. I pulled out my phone, and called your father.  
"Hey Robin." Barney said groggily. "Why are you up?"  
"We need to talk." I don't know what exactly made me decide that that moment was the one to talk to him.  
"What about?"  
"Everything that has been going on lately. You know... us." I was finally coming to my senses. "Look-"  
"Actually, i don't think that we do."  
"What do you mean? Clearly, there is a conversation that needs to be had here. Listen why don't we just meet up in-"  
"No, Robin." Barney cut me off. His voice was painfully serious. "I don't have anything to say to you regarding what i know you want to talk about. You not telling me really hurt. I mean, I know i am not exactly father material but, i wish you would have at least... You know what, i don't have to do this. I've gotta go Robin. Bye." He hung up. It was one of the worst phone conversations i had ever had. The _worst_ would come later, on the phone with my dad... Mmm, that was a bad one. You see, before your grandpa was all warm and fuzzy he was; well, when i get to that part of the story it will explain itself.  
Anyway, so he hung up.  
Suddenly, i couldn't hold myself up anymore. Without realizing it i moved down from the roof and into the living room of my apartment. I stood in the space between my room and Ted's room, my balance faltering. I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost six o'clock in the morning. A million thoughts raced through my head. _Everything is so out of control and it is all my fault and..._ _I need to talk to Ted but i don't know how, but i have to, but Barney. Well, he doesn't want to talk to me. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Where is Ted? Did he go to sleep. I feel bad for not responding to him. I can just tell him that; i wasn't thinking straight, because of my um... PREGNANCY BRAIN! Which i didn't tell him about because-_ Suddenly i was standing outside his bedroom door; he had opened it and was standing there looking at me with this look that could only mean trouble.  
"I go camping in secret!" He blurted out.  
My head was throbbing as i leaned forward instinctively and just kissed him.  
I know what you're thinking. You probably think your mother was a total slut. I guess that, if i am being honest, there was a brief period of time when, due to certain occurrences, i didn't fully know what i wanted and what i didn't want, and i may have had some confusion in the love department. But, hey, at least i didn't sleep with Ted that night.  
I pulled away from him. "Okay, okay." I breathed. "We need to talk about this. I mean, less than twenty-four hours ago i was in some lame Valentines Day themed hotel, engaged to another man. The past day has been a complete emotional rollercoaster, and my hormones are raging and-"  
Ted put a finger over my mouth to quiet me. "Robin, it's okay, we have all morning."  
His touch felt warm and familiar; i could feel a calmness wash over me. "Okay? Are you okay?"  
I nodded like a small child and started to walk over to the couch, hunched and helpless.  
"I swear," I muttered, "If there are anymore surprises i am going to punch someone."  
There was a knock on the door. I was closest so i turned , walked over to the door, and opened it.  
"Imahugeidiotwhoisinterruptin gyourimportantconversationso whydontyoujustpunchmeinthefa ce, Robin." It was my coworker Patrice. "Ready for our trip to mother Russia?"  
So, maybe she didn't say "I'm a huge idiot who is interrupting your important conversation so why don't you just punch me in the face". The truth was that she said some undecipherable Russian word that probably meant "Hi" but i was so delirious and i was looking for someone to punch in the face so, i lunged at her. Ted grabbed me by the shoulders.  
Patrice was not fazed by public display of attempted violence, and simply handed me a ticket, beaming all the while.  
"Patrice, we aren't leaving until 9 _pm_." I rolled my eyes and looked back at Ted, whose hands were still on my shoulders. "God, Patrice." I said irritably.  
You see kids, i was _very_ excited to have been given the opportunity to go overseas to report on an important Russian custom. The gorgeous buildings, the unique accents, everything about the trip sounded mesmerizingly wonderful. Then; i found out i would be spending this trip filming a fifteen minute documentary on the Russian Butter Festival, with my all-too-cheery co-worker, Patrice. I was far from thrilled to be spending the weekend with a bunch of buttery Russians and my even-more-buttery assistant.(Okay, so maybe she wasn't my assistant, but i like to think that i was superior to her in so many ways that she just automatically became my assistant.)  
"Actually Robin, my schedule says 9am, and my ticket says 9am, and the email reminders said 9am, and our boss who is outside in the cab said-"  
"ALRIGHT I GOT IT PATRICE!" I cracked, letting all my anger just pour out on top of her. I turned and ran to my bedroom.  
Ted helped me pack, reminding me to bring my cough syrup and my earphones. I ran out the door, zipping my suitcase as i followed Patrice into the hallway. I stopped when i got to the stairs to catch my breath.  
"Hurry Robin, the airport is at least a fifty minute drive from here." Patrice said anxiously.  
"Damn it Patrice, i am pregnant, cut me some slack."  
"Wait really? I didn't know that."  
"Are you kidding me?" I was somehow infuriated "LOOK AT ME PATRICE I'M A GODDAMN BALLOON!"  
"I'm sorry that you're feeling self conscious Robin, you will always seem beautiful to me. If you want, I can carry your suitcase." When i nodded, Patrice grabbed my suitcase and began pulling it down the stairs.  
Once she was out of site, i paused to organize my thoughts. _Okay, going to Russia. That'll be a nice break from everything. Wait, Ted, i didn't even say goodbye. I am going to run and say goodbye._ I turned and walked quickly back to my apartment. I opened the door to find Ted standing there awkwardly. _What am i supposed to say?_ I walked slowly over to him, gave him a short kiss and said, firmly despite my loss of breath, "We'll continue this when i get back." Then, i turned and ran out the door.  
After a treacherously long, traffic filled car ride to the airport in which Patrice chattered on and on about some baby related something(i had gotten into the habit of tuning her out), a brief hour of peace in which i lied and insisted to Patrice that i had a pathological fear of ordering food with other people watching me and roamed around the airport, finally buying a pack of gum, and a even more torcherous hour long plane ride which was complete with turbulence that made me want to puke and a half hour delay, we finally arrived in Russia. We were greated by a large man in some sort of cultural attire. He shook our hands heartily and said, with a strong Russian accent, "Hello Americans! We welcome you to Russia..." He glanced and his paper, "Patrice Chandon and Robin..." He squinted "Sherboobsky?"  
"Scherbatsky." I corrected him coldly.  
"Oh, so sorry!" The man said nervously.  
"Hi." Patrice beamed at the man. "I mean, youprobablyshouldnttalktomei amreallyannoying." Again, i understood about as much Russian as, well, an American.  
"Oh, i speak english." Said the man, smiling.  
"Yeah, seriously Patrice, get it right!" I elbowed her.  
"But thank you for the effort." The man nodded gratefully Iamalmostasannoyingaspatrice ?" I think he was actually saying "How are you?"  
"Great, thanks." Patrices smile did not waver.  
We followed the man out of the airport, and got in an abnormally small cab. We drove to a nice looking hotel and went inside, where we presented our hotel payment receipts.  
"Iamsayingsomethingandbythelo okonmyfaceyoucantellthatitis somethingbad." The hotel manager said something in Russian that i couldn't understand, "Ilookverypatheticandsorryand iamaweakhumanbeing." He added, pushing a paper in front of us. "Nowihaveaquestionforyou?"  
"Of course!" Patrice smiled sweetly. "We totally understand."  
_I don't!_  
"You're fine with that right Robin?" Patrice turned to me.  
I gave her a look of confusion.  
"Oh, do you need me to translate?"  
In order to protect my vanity, i quickly shook my head. "I got it." I half smiled.  
"Great." Patrice smiled and signed the paper. "Robin this is going to be so much fun!"  
"What is?"  
"Sharing a room together!" Patrice grabbed my hands and started jumping up and down "It is going to be like a big girl sleep over!"  
_Nononononononononono._

_**And on that note, i leave you with a hope for reviews! Feedback of all kinds is welcome. Suggestions are suggested! I hope you are enjoying this story! :) :) :) :) :) :) :P**  
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	6. Chapter 6

_**Warning: I actually know nothing about the butter festival so, don't take any of the things i say about the festival to heart.**_

So, I was about to be stuck in a hotel room with Patrice for several days and let me just say i was very far from excited. But i loved my job so much that i decided not to feign illness to get out of it. I signed the paper, and the man took us to our room, which, to make things worse, only had one bed.

"Nope, sorry the single bed thing was not part of the deal." I frowned. "I am pregnant i need space."

"But, Robin, you signed the contract." Patrice said nervously.

"What contract?" I was already putting it together in my head. _The paper that i signed back at the front desk..._

"The paper you signed at the front desk stated that we wouldn't change rooms. He also informed us that we would likely be put in a room with only one bed. I thought you said it would be fine."

I sighed and nodded, giving a weak smile "That's right. I did."

I pulled out my "overseas" phone. My boss, the cheap man he was, didn't want to pay the money to the phone company to make it so our phones would work overseas, so we had these little telephones without key-boards or touch screens(I know crazy right?) that basically could be used for phone calls. I had consciously made the decision not to tell anyone the phone number, but had accidently let it slip to Barney a few days before Valentines Day. He had convinced me to give him the number just in case there was an emergency. As i checked the time on my phone, i half wanted to have a missed call from him, even though i knew that was unlikely. "Patrice," I said. "We have to go to the first interview with;" I pulled a piece of paper out of my bag and glanced at it "Mr. Chuckinanga, in a half hour."

"Okay Robin." Patrice set her suitcase down in the corner of the room, and i set mine down on the bed. I quickly refreshed my makeup and changed into a slightly baggy business suit that covered my baby bump perfectly, and we left.

I want you to picture one of Uncle Teds pies; the ones made with lard. You know how they are fatty and somewhat gross, but they just smell and look so good, that it's a little intoxicating. Well, that is how this butter festival was for me. I don't know if it was the wonderful cooking or some sort of craving, probably both, but i ate so much in the next few days i gained more weight than i did in the entire rest of my pregnancy.

The trip was sort of uneventful. Patrice and i went around to different parts of the festival, interviewing workers and festival goers. I slept on the floor for the first night, but it was so uncomfortable that i eventually gave in and slept on the bed with Patrice. She wasn't so bad. I mean, i got elbowed in the face a couple of times but other than that, she was a relatively soft sleeper. So, i had a pretty fun time, i tried not to think about Ted or Barney, but it was really hard. Especially with Ted, because of the way i left things so unfinished with him.

On the last day of the trip, i interviewed with the coordinator for the whole festival. He looked sort of like a male version of Patrice. Luckily he spoke fluent enough english that i didn't need a translator, so Patrice was able to stay at home and pack.

I went into his office with only one camera man, if you could call it an office; it was in a tent-like building, and the only furniture in it were two couches and a coffee table. When i entered through the door, i found the coordinator lounging on the couch. At first, i thought i was in the wrong place.

"Mr. Smith?" The first name i had heard the entire trip that didn't sound like gibberish.

"You can call me Frank." He stood up from the couch and politely walked over to greet me, shaking my hand firmly. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." I said, using my reporters voice. "My name is Robin Scherbatsky and i am here to learn some more about what goes on behind the scenes of this festival. I am just going to ask a few questions."

Frank made his way back to the couch, leaning back and putting his feet up on the coffee table. "Have a seat Robin."

Keeping a professional plastered on my face, i moved to sit rigidly on the sofa across from him. "Alright Mr. Smith, now that we are comfortable, let us begin."

"Hold on." He put up a hand. "Kick your shoes off Robin, and put your feet up." And when i laughed he added "I am serious. And stop acting so formal, we're all friends here."

I sighed and reluctantly removed my shoes and propped my feet up on the coffee table. "You happy?"

"Yes," Frank smiled jovially. "Yes i am." He chuckled. "Congratulations on the baby by the way."

"Thanks." I said automatically. I nodded to the cameraman to start rolling. Turning toward the camera i said, "This is Robin Scherbatsky with World Wide News. Today i am interviewing Mr. Frank Smith, in attempts to get a little more insight into the background and details of this lovely festival. Mr. Smith, would you like to start us off by telling a little bit about how you got into this job."

"It's _Frank_." he insisted. "But aside from silly things like names, I grew up in America. Slowly, i developed a passion for culture. Eventually, i came here in search of a new beginning, and i was drawn to this festival because of the way it brings people together, and the way it captures the essence of mankind's vulnerability. People are the most themselves, when they are eating delicious food. I started out as a worker at one of the stands, and slowly worked my way up. "

"Wow, that's very interesting. Since you started at a very low level, what insight does that give you in running the festival?"

"Well, i have a better idea of what the employees need in order to have the best possible success. One of the main things is time. Before i came on as head of the festival, we as workers would be given as little as three weeks to prepare. When i was promoted, i began to prepare over the course of the entire year, so as to give the people who work below me as much time as possible to work their part. I must say though, during the week of the festival i am hardly ever needed, and it is nice to have a week off to enjoy the finished project."

"Great to hear that you care so much about your employees." The interview went on for about 15 minutes, he had me taste a few of the delicious foods that get delivered to him as thank you gifts from the people who work under him. They were fantastic. Finally "To wrap things up i have one last question. What, in a nutshell, would you say is the butter festival?"

"In ancient times, the festival was actually a celebration of love. It was called 'somebeautifulword', meaning 'lifelong destiny'. Have you ever been in love Robin?"

I swallowed.

"I would hope so." His eyes rolled down to my bulging midsection. "Because, it is a wonderful thing that everyone, even the most _damaged_ should experience."

I smiled lightly, "I know." I whispered.

"Good, good." He continued "Butter is not meant to be eaten alone. It compliments whatever you put it in, adding richness, just the way love, as you seem to know, compliments life. It is something, that once you discover how wonderful it is, letting go of it can be difficult, and painful."

I nodded slowly. _It may be difficult, but i have to let go of it._

"So why let go? If it is that wonderful, cherish it. And that is what this festival is about. Cherishing love; and butter."

_Cherish it. I need to call Barney._

The man behind the camera motioned for me to end the interview, giving me a signal that there were only 30 seconds left.

I spoke softly, and slowly. "And that's all the time we have Frank, thank you for the interview."

As soon as the camera shut down, i bolted out of the tent. I ran all the way through the entire festival, until i reached our hotel. Bursting through the doors to the room i shouted "Where's my phone Patrice?"

"On the counter." Patrice said, not nearly as anxious as i was. Then again, she wasn't about to call the love of her life.

I grabbed it off of the pile of clothes, and rushed out into the hall. I quickly dialed Barney's house phone number, which i had memorized. "Go for Barney,"

"Hey, it's me. Listen before you say anything. I know you said we don't need to talk and maybe you're right. But i think i may have just realized something. I think i might be in love with you. Who am i even kidding? I have known for a while. But now i finally understand that i need to cherish that love because i most likely won't have anyone to share it with again. So i'm ready to make this work." I paused, there was no response. "That is if you are." I added.

"PSYCH, i'm actually not home, either that or i am bangin' some chick and can't hear the phone. Why can't i hear the phone? Because that's just how i roll. Hahahaha. Leave a message or call back later. Bye."

I closed my eyes, feeling tears drip down my cheeks. _Why is it that everytime i call him i end up crying?_ I slid down the wall.

Patrice opened the door. "What's wrong Robin?" She asked when she noticed i was crying.

I sniffled "He didn't answer his phone." I buried my face in my hands, dropping my phone onto the floor.

Patrice picked it up and ended the call. "Robin, you can try again when we get off the plane in New York. It's going to be okay. Who are you trying to call?"

"It doesn't matter." I said, trying with little success to stop crying. "It's not even that big of a deal, i mean you're right i can always call him again when we get to the airport. I don't even know why i am crying."

Patrice sat down on the floor next to me. "It's alright to cry."

I wiped my eyes. "I know, I know. But the tears can wait. We need to leave, or we are going to miss our flight."

When we go to the airport i tried calling him again, and received no answer. On the plane, i was so exhausted that i drifted off to sleep, resting my head on Patrice's shoulder. When the plane finally arrived in New York, Patrice and I parted ways, while she went to get a snack and i went to the bathroom. As i hauled my carry-on towards the baggage claim i pulled out my American cell phone, and dialed Barneys number again.

"Hello?" A woman's voice answered.

_Shit._ "Hey, is Barney there?"

"Sorry he is in the shower."

_Double shit._

"But i can take a message for you."

"Um no thanks," I said softly, "But um, can i just ask you a question."

"Yeah sure."

"What is your name?" _Please, whoever you are just don't be-_

"Quinn." The girl hesitated "I'm sorry who did you say you were again."

"Nobody!" I said quickly, and i hung up. I grabbed my bag off of the conveyor belt and pulled it behind me towards the exit. My plan was to catch a cab and head back to the apartment. I had completely forgotten about Ted, so seeing him standing there with a sign reading 'Scherbatsky' caught me off guard but i quickly remembered everything that had gone down before the trip.

He took me out to the restaurant we went to on our first date, the same one where we broke up. I told him all about the crazy trip, and the crazy Russians, and he listened like only Ted can. And the whole time, i could see that look in his eyes, and i knew what it meant, and i felt so bad because i couldn't give him the same look.

"The answer is no, isn't it?" He said when we got back to our apartment. And when i nodded he added "It's because of Barney."

"No," I stammered. "No, Barney and I, we, I," I paused, and said firmly "No." I couldn't bear to tell him about everything that had happened between me and Barney; it would have broken him.

"Then what is it?" Ted asked, averting his eyes.

"It's just that, everything in my life is unstable." That was true. "You're the only thing i can count on." Also true, though it was becoming less true by the moment.

Ted sighed, and i could tell that he was fighting tears; attempting to stay strong.

"Hey," I patted him on the shoulder, and smiled, "We still have that deal right? If we're both still single when we're forty, i'm all yours." It was looking more and more like that might actually happen.

Ted nodded, but then his expression changed. "Actually, Robin, i don't think i can do that. I mean, if we keep that deal, there will always be part of me waiting around until you turn forty. I think you know how you feel now, and that your feelings aren't going to change. So, do you love me?"

I didn't. So, i shook my head.

Ted stood up, wiped his hands on his pants, gritted his teeth and said "Let's just forget that this ever happened."

And i tried to. But later that night, Marshall came up to the apartment, and he told me i had to move out. It hurt, but i knew he was right. So i did. I packed up my stuff, gave Ted my key and an awkward hug, and left.

I carried my bags out to the cab, and realized i had nowhere to go. So i just said the first place i thought of. I walked up to the apartment door, hesitated and knocked.

"Robin, what are you doing here?"

"I had to move out of my apartment. Listen, i know that things have been weird between us, but, do you think that i could stay here for a little while?"

He took my hand, and pulled me inside, "Stay as long as you need."

And that, kids, is how i ended up living with your father.

_**I see a Barney-Robin conversation in the future.**_


End file.
